One Foot in Front of the Other

Before cancer, I never went to the doctor. In the past four months, I’ve been there 10 times plus 3 tests at the hospital because of a coronary issue that has developed, presumably from my cancer treatment. I deserve a frequent-user punch card. But my body, which is betraying me, decided that wasn’t enough. An auto-immune disease I struggle with flared 3 weeks ago. I’ve been in denial, refusing to call my doctor because I’m thoroughly sick of being poked, prodded and medicated. However, this weekend the pain level hit an extreme point and my husband and father “encouraged” me to be wise and let my doctor know.

So today, I called. It felt like such an admission of defeat. I’m trying to keep my chin up, but all I can manage to do is cry. The voice inside my head says, “Quit being such a baby!” but I’m just amazingly beaten down. I’m not in a good place. So, here with you, Dear Reader, I’m going to make a massive effort to find my joy, buck up, and walk the path set before me with grace and dignity.

These things I can be thankful for:

1. I have an amazing husband, family and friends who support me, encourage me, pray for me, love me, help me and gently pat my back in sympathy when all I can do is blubber.

2. Physical suffering has bred within me a fierce compassion for those whose struggle is a daily one and who need my love and prayers. Because of God’s love for me and involvement in my life, my heart has become more tender instead of becoming hardened with bitterness.

3. My children see the effort I’m making to keep up with all my “Mommy Duties” and express genuine caring and concern for me. I’ve been blessed with two tender-hearted, creative, loving daughters.

4. God speaks to me in quiet, simple ways, and because of that I can fully believe that He has a good and loving purpose in this. I am assured that I will get to the other side of this struggle and when I do, it will be amazing. I will have a testimony that will reach down to those who are broken and lift them up.

5. Amidst it all, I can still smile.

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7 thoughts on “One Foot in Front of the Other

  1. laurches6 says:

    As I have asked you to follow my blog, I am so glad to know I will be able to follow yours as well. I am crying happy and sad tears with you now as I try to imagine us having a face to face conversation. You’re persevering character is so admirable, the practical steps so tangible for any reader to pattern their own journey after. I am choosing to use those steps right now as I struggle with different hurts. Thank you for being vulnerable, and pulling my heart closer to yours. I love you!

  2. laurches6 says:

    As I have asked you to follow my blog, I am so glad to know I will be able to follow yours as well. I am crying happy and sad tears with you now as I try to imagine us having a face to face conversation. You’re persevering character is so admirable, the practical steps so tangible for any reader to pattern their own journey after. I am choosing to use those steps right now as I struggle with different hurts. Thank you for being vulnerable, and pulling my heart closer to yours. I love you!

  3. I am so sorry to hear of all that you are dealing with. You are definitely not being a baby.
    May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. – Romans 15:13

    • The Disorganized Perfectionist says:

      “All joy and peace in believing…” – I’ll receive that. 🙂 Thank you, Overwhelmed By Joy.

  4. Robin says:

    You are such a strong person — and I often wish I could help with some of the physical pain you deal with. I’m so sorry the you-know-what is flaring right now. If there’s anything at all I can (including listening), let me know. You’re in my prayers, dear friend — and I have no doubt you’ll come through this…but I wish things would ease up in the meantime. (((HUGS)))

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