Of course I had a minor fiasco – involving baking powder, because chaos is still (unfortunately) my norm, but I’ll share that with you tomorrow. In spite of the frustration of the morning, I did still reflect.
One of the aspects of my life I’m changing is working toward making my life more missional. I want to live with intention. I want to have purpose. I know that missional living has an aspect that is spiritual – perhaps it is primarily spiritual. Knowing this, however, has not translated to action. I struggle to find quiet time to connect with God, recognize His sovereignty, and toss my cares in His lap. So, in order to facilitate this, I’ve started a devotional. This is something I haven’t done in a long time, and I hope it gives some structure to my quiet time. I’m using Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon. I’m really trying not to race through each reading, but instead, take the time to digest it.
This whole process has gotten me thinking about Paul (the apostle) and what he says in 2 Corinthians. He’s got some kind of serious affliction happening to him, and he asks God three times to let it end. But it doesn’t end. Instead, he writes, ”He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’” One of my greatest weaknesses is my seeming inability to organize my home and myself. Yet, here I am on this journey. A friend unknowingly inspired me to overhaul my whole life, and starting this blog felt like such a “God thing.” Every day, I wonder if I will have what it takes to keep making changes. And every day, I fear that I will fail. Yet, as I trust Him to keep me inspired and strong, and as I trust myself to stay committed, I see little changes in my surroundings. Each day, He brings power into a place where only weakness once dwelt.
Then I think about my strengths. I am a speaker of the truth – even when it’s hard, or humiliating, or awkward, I speak the truth and in so doing, I am able to encourage some. I’ve had a couple of friends tell me they’ve been encouraged reading my posts. Is God taking my greatest weakness (organization) and turning it into a vehicle in which I can operate in my greatest strength (encouraging women)? It would be very like Him. It is within His character to take something totally messed up and turn it into something beautiful and useful. And so I fight the internal Clutter Monster, by shedding negative thoughts, focusing on Him, quieting myself … and trusting – one of the hardest and most rewarding things He’s ever asked me to do.