Yesterday I was writing about to-do lists, but I feel I should make something clear. I don’t have an actual list. I mean, nothing’s written down – it’s all in my head. I used to keep lists. On used envelopes. And post-it notes. And random scraps of paper. Then I would lose the list, then I would try remembering what was on the list (if I could just visualize myself writing the list…) Finally, I just dropped the initial list keeping and skipped right to struggling to remember.
Then today, for the second time in two weeks, I messed up something FOR MY CHILDREN because I didn’t write down appointments and events. Two weeks ago, we missed a morning of sledding because I remembered the time to be noon, but it was really 10 A.M. My children were actually okay with it – no one was upset. Except me. I cried like a baby because I felt like such a heel. I’m sure this shocks everyone but, well, I’m no longer in the running for Mother of the Year. “Ruining things for your children because you’re disorganized” actually counts as a mark against you, if you can believe it.
Today was just more of the same, so tomorrow I’m buying a notebook (nothing fancy, but maybe something pretty so I don’t despise it) and I’m keeping all my notes and to-dos in one place. This means I’m consolidating all the little scraps of paper currently littering my desk. Working at a clean desk will be so different – I hope I can adjust.
Finally, dear reader, I have signed an agreement with myself to serve as a reminder of why I’m taking this journey. When I’m overwhelmed and feel like quitting, I’ll pull it out and this is what I’ll read:
- I want peace in my life. In order to achieve this, I must remove the chaos, and instill order. I want my husband to feel peaceful when he comes home, and for home to be a good place for him to be. I want my children to feel peace in their home. And I want to feel peace.
- I am tired of feeling like I’m treading water. I want to sense purpose in my living, in other words, to live my life intentionally, instead of simply letting life happen to me.
- I want to have goals again in my life, and to have a game plan I can execute to achieve those goals.
I commit to working toward these ends regardless of how long it takes me. The only way to fail is to quit.