You know, people see what you present to them, and it’s not always the real deal. It’s not that you’re trying to be deceitful. It’s just instinct to talk about those positive aspects of your life, and ignore or gloss over the less appealing things. So when I talk to other moms, I might talk about baking bread, or fermenting my own yogurt, or making chicken stock from scratch. I love the kitchen arts and I do all these things. Or, I might talk about herbal infusions or homeopathic remedies, because I’ve made and used these things, too. Although everything I say is true, the listener would get a certain impression about me that may not be entirely accurate, because there would be things that were hidden from view.
For example, before committing to being authentic in this blog, I would have never, NEVER talked to anyone about The Closet. But because I’m being authentic, (i.e. willing to be humiliated), I’ll bare all. The Closet is a scary place, and it exists inside my home. It is the lair of the Clutter Monster. Sometimes the beast comes out and wreaks havoc in the rest of my home, but The Closet is where it lives. Occasionally, I throw something in there as a sacrifice to appease it, but I basically give it a wide berth.
You see, The Closet is the walk-in closet in my bedroom. It started its life as an organized and useful place. Then I got sick with a long-term illness. My husband would come in with some THING – it doesn’t even matter what – and he would ask, “What do you want me to do with this?” And I would say, “Just put it in The Closet.” My intention was that after I was feeling better, I would sort through all the stuff and put it all in its permanent home. But here we are FOUR YEARS LATER!! and it has never been done. The Closet never recovered. It is broken, and must be fixed.
I know The Closet looms somewhere in my near future. I’m somewhat intimidated by it, but I will face the monster. And even though I’ve committed to being authentic, when my husband asked if I was going to post before and after pictures, I about passed out. The thought of posting a picture of what The Closet looks like now about gave me heart palpitations. The humiliation would be extreme. But as it is said, knowing the truth sets one free, and the truth is that The Closet is a mess. Hopefully, when the time comes, I’ll be brave enough to expose the ugliness ~ sort of like ripping a scab off a festering wound so it can be cleaned out and heal. I’m not promising anything, mind you. But, hopefully…