My life is out of balance. I feel it in the morning when I wake, and instead of joy, I experience a feeling akin to disappointment that I I have to face my day. I am overwhelmed by my responsibilities, by the many repetitive tasks that face me every day.
You see, I am a homeschooling mom, whose job it is to raise and educate my children, and manage my home. I have taken this job on by choice, but it seems that I am constantly called upon to operate in my area of greatest weakness. I am an organized thinker (undergrad degree in mathematics, graduate degree in law), but my physical environment is one of chaos. I am drowning in clutter – and paper, and toys, and dishes, and laundry, and… And this, in turn, impacts my emotional state and steals my joy. Yet what do I do? Everyday, I get up and go through the same motions. I put out the fires that threaten to burn us down, but I make no real progress. How many times a day do I open a closet or cupboard, and think, ‘Oh my word, I need to clean this out.’ Yet, it never happens. The same closets have needed cleaning out for months, and I feel a lack of ability to take control. I feel like my toolbox is empty. I don’t know where to begin.
And then, a while back, I was reading the blog Xandrepress, and she wrote something simple that, for me, was deeply profound. She said (as though speaking to me) that I will never change who I am until I change what I do. So I will begin, today, changing what I do. Today is the first step towards transformation.
I am not foolish enough to think it will be easy. Each day will be a choice. In order to improve my chances for success, I’ve done two things. I’ve chosen a blueprint to follow, which can be found here. And I’ve chosen an accountability partner – you, dear reader.
So, with little fanfare, I start my journey toward balance.